On Birthing A New Reality

I don’t know about you but the recent astrology has really done a number on me. I’m on my third crash-out, courtesy of the Scorpio Full Moon 🙃 I unintentionally find myself writing this newsletter around this point in the lunar cycle each month because that’s where epiphanies tend to find me the clearest. The chatter and noise of the outside world become too overwhelming and suddenly it’s just me and my thoughts, my tears, and my heartbreak. The irritation that’s easy to ignore suddenly becomes an exposed nerve: every minor inconvenience drills away at it, much like the construction noise outside my building that has been driving me nuts all week.

So what have I found in the deep subterranean emotional waters that Scorpio has dragged me into kicking and screaming? I’m giving birth. Not literally, of course. But I did have this moment today where I realized I am in the process of giving birth to an entirely new reality and version of myself. As a creative and energetically attuned person, I’ve been pretty familiar with all of the parallels between creativity and pregnancy. Our womb space, or sacral chakra, holds all of the life force energy needed to create and nurture new life—whether in the form of a romantic relationship, a creative project, or, for some, a child. There is a period of time where a seed is planted in the dark void of the womb space, where that seed must be protected and nurtured in order to grow, and eventually where it must burst through the threshold and be seen by the world. There’s a very similar analogy with plants blooming or caterpillars becoming butterflies, so again, it’s not very new to me.

What is new to me is the lived experience of how hard the birthing/rebirthing process truly is. In about a week my Saturn Return will be over and I’ll be crossing the stage with my MBA in hand. I have no clue what comes next to be completely honest. On some level, I know that I’m going to continue working on this business and working on my creative projects but beyond that I don’t have much of a tangible idea about what the near future holds. After so many years of trying to control everything and bend life to my will, I find myself in a really deep state of surrender. It’s scary and really freeing at the same time. I’ve only seen childbirth depicted through the media, and I might look back at this if I ever experience it myself and think, I had no idea what I was talking about. Buuut right now, this moment feels like the stillness before one final push—before I get to witness the version of my life and myself that I’ve poured so much love into, finally existing in the 3D.

Despite my lack of awareness of how intense this particular moment would be, it’s been in the works for a while. Two years ago, I joined a womb healing circle with one of my teachers and did a lot of energetic cleansing work on my womb space and set the intention to have my womb space nurture my creativity and my business. I’ve been diligent about nurturing and protecting that space—without fully considering how painful and messy it would be to push through the final layers of wounding and fear for what I’m creating to be seen. I thought saying yes to a spiritual path and to this work, walking away from certain relationships, and making sense of the pieces left from tower moment after tower moment would be the hardest part of the process. But it was definitely this—these last few months of closing energetic cycles and granting myself even greater permission to be fully messy, fully human. I’ve gone through many rebirths and glow up moments in my life but this particular one feels like thee one. All in all, I’m not sure what this new reality will look like but I’m excited to share more about it when I get to the other side.

Thanks for reading as always! My books are still open for $20 1:1 energy work sessions so you can book one here if you’re interested. If you’d like to donate to support my work or celebrate my graduation, you can do so here.

Until next time,

Paula 👩🏾‍🎓💕